Down Matrimonial Lane with 30 abused women

The book launch took place on Tuesday at the Carlton Hotel, where Rahim — who is now a widow — explained why she has written about the sensitive issue despite her happy marriage. “I was at a party with some friends when I realised that 60% of them were divorcees,” she said. “Each had a tale to tell; each story as horrific as the next. I couldn’t empathise with my friends, who were left high and dry in society, but I could listen to their stories — the saddest tales I had ever heard.”

She then decided to share these painful stories through her book, but kept their husbands’ names undisclosed, as she didn’t want their children to be brought into the limelight.

Down Matrimonial Lane is a detailed account of the unsuccessful marriages of 30 women who were married to prominent men. It reveals the underlying truth of the realities prevalent in a patriarchal, male-dominated and chauvinistic society. While the language of the book is simple, it is an eye-opener; the wives of rich men admit that they have been abused, beaten and mistreated.

This is the former bureaucrat’s second book. Rahim first enlightened readers with Down Bureaucracy Lane — a memoir of the three decades she spent in Pakistan’s bureaucratic system.

The ‘D’ word

“In our society, the D word [divorce] is worse than the F word,” said writer and artist Feryal Ali Gauhar, who was present at the book launch. “When you walk out of marriage the first time, you are shunned by society as you are labelled a divorcee. But when you walk out the second time, you are a divorcee-squared!” she said, referring to her two failed marriages.

After facing years of agony, Gauhar said that she wonders whether people ever understand the sense of loss, degradation and humiliation a divorced woman feels. “This is why I chose to marry again,” she admitted. “The truth is that we need men in our lives as they provide the comfort we need. I miss having a companion.” However, Gauhar clarified, that she married for love and not comfort. “When love flies out the window, marriages die,” she added sorrowfully.

In both marriages, she said it was her husbands who ended the commitments. “The first one never wanted kids assuming my body will change and the second one held me hostage to the fact that we should not have babies; when I questioned his authority, he left me,” she said.

“I was just a piece of meat to them,” Gauhar continued, adding that she prefers living with four-legged creatures (pets) instead as they “don’t intend to hurt” her.

The reader’s word

Writer and former bureaucrat Javed Jabbar was also present at the launch of this book. “I’m here for three reasons: the subject is intriguing; knowing Talat Rahim, her courageous work requires thoughts and sentiments from the crowd; she is a friend of my wife so we had to be here for her,” said Jabbar.

Travel writer Salman Rashid flew in from Lahore to support Rahim. “I am here to give her moral support. Much has been written on this subject in Urdu but I believe no one has written about it in English,” said Rashid.

Sameera Raja, the curator of Canvas Gallery said, “We need to iconise these 30 women — more needs to be written on this particular topic.” She believes that if these women have spoken up, they must be supported. “People are embarrassed to discuss this and it’s always a cover-up.”

At the launch, Rahim said that others have approached her and want their anecdotes told to the world too; they urged her to write a sequel to Down Matrimonial Lane. Drawing a distinction between herself and Shobhaa De, she said, “De is more into writing about pornography — the real bedroom stories. I don’t write about that.” She says De is a bold and highly regarded writer, but “I can’t even come close to her; she has come a long way and I have only written two books.”

Published in The Express Tribune, January 19^th, 2013.              

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